I board Lulu at a friendly and low key stable bordering on what, until now, was a large undeveloped area of land. For years riders have had access to delightfully wild creek bottoms, cultivated hay fields, and overgrown fields. We could visit a small herd of cattle grazing in the hay field. We often spotted a blue heron, an owl, or some coyotes along with other birds and wildlife. The creek bottom is where I filmed my first Virtual Equine Therapy video.
Earlier this year survey teams started coming in, marking out the location of buildings and roads for a multi-use development. By this summer the cows had been relocated, along with the tractors and hay bailing equipment. The big earth movers came in.
To say I feel a sense of loss is an understatement. I worry about where the wildlife will go because this was their last refuge in an increasingly urban area. I have feelings of despair and sadness when I ride out and hear the ripping, tearing, beeping sounds of the construction equipment. I worry how the construction and the future development will impact the water quality of the two creeks.
These feelings are called ecological grief. Ecological grief is often stated in terms of feelings about climate change, and losses due to climate disasters. But grief is grief and is a complicated response to loss.
Another feeling is Solastalgia, which is a sense of lost place. This happens when major changes occur in a place that someone has an attachment to, or to a place tied to identity.
One of the ways to deal with grief is to name it, and these names help me understand what I'm feeling, and that it is not odd to feel loss when "the inevitable" happens to a place. Another way to deal with grief is to talk about it with someone who is capable of deeply listening, someone able to help me carry and hold the pain. Because the pain of grief is important to healing process.
Grief is how humans deal with loss of any sort, and each individual experiences grief in their own way.
Eventually I will accept that this has happened, that I had no control over it, and I will create a different relationship with the "Place that Was" in my memories, in the videos, and in talking to others who share this sense of place with me.
When I feel strong again, I will start seeking out new places with meaning.
If you are interested you can read more about Ecological Grief, and Solastalgia. If you are feeling these things, reach out and talk to a trusted friend or a professional counselor.
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