It is rare to hear a story about how people have experienced traumatic events and come back from them strong and vibrant. Yet as I look around I see evidence of overcoming trauma all around me. The three-legged dog who can run faster than anyone around, the quadriplegic in my high school art class who could draw with his mouth as well as I could with my right hand, and my trauma tree, which experienced incredible damage in its youth, but grew around it, to have a full canopy.
I think about trauma frequently. My training is in Trauma Focused Equine Assisted Psychotherapy. And so I have some clinical understandings of how trauma is defined. The DSM V refers to trauma as “Exposure to actual or threatened death, serious injury, or sexual violence.” and does not apply to exposure through visual media. But I also grew up with the common cultural assumptions about trauma. People who felt overwhelmed were told they were being too sensitive, or dismissed as engaging in “trauma drama.” On the flip side are the assumptions that some things are so horrific you will NEVER recover. Or be “in therapy for years.” (as if there is anything wrong with therapy… Personally, I think everyone can benefit from some therapy---but I might be biased.) PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome) became a household word, and then used in ways that have nothing to do with the clinical definition of the issue.
Will traumatic experiences have a huge impact on your life? Yes, will they shape you forever? Yes. But they won’t stop you from growing into a healthy and fulfilled human being. Because the definitions I have learned for trauma are it is personal. Trauma is not the event. Trauma is how overwhelmed you feel during the event. Trauma is the result of not feeling capable of survival when something bad happens. And the way to come back from that moment is to survive anyway. This is also why it is impossible to tell how traumatized someone is by something, by looking at the event through your own eyes.
I had an experience years ago when traveling in Turkey. I was assaulted and managed to get away. I ran down some stairs where I encountered an old woman, carrying several bags of groceries. She was standing on a small landing, in the corner, with a terrified look on her face because there was no way she could get past a very large dog. But for me, I was relieved to see the dog, wagging its tail. Dogs I know how to handle. I put my hand down and the dog ran over to sniff me. The woman darted out of the corner, throwing me a grateful look as she hurried off to escape what for her was terror and for me was a very friendly dog. I had recognized the woman’s terror, because it mirrored my own just moments before, and yet I had no fear of the dog because in that moment I felt capable. The woman did not feel capable in the face of this dog. And this is how trauma works. The dog was the same dog, and for me was not life threatening, but both of us had a very different internal experience with it.
And my experience with the assault, yes it was traumatic, but while there were several moments where I felt helpless about what might happen to me, ultimately, I was able to fight free. I also got help dealing with the experience. I talked to some counselors who were part of the group I was traveling with. I experienced some flashbacks and nightmares as my brain worked with the experience to get it integrated into my chronological narrative. Now it is something that happened to me in the past. And I can use the experience for greater understanding about how trauma works.
Because trauma is so personal, gifted brains experience it differently as well. This is why it is so important for parents of gifted children to know their children well, and know where they feel capable and where they don’t.
Media doesn’t fit the clinical definition of a traumatic experience, because for it to be clinical trauma the event has to be experienced live. But I think for gifted kids with very vivid imaginations, the difference in experience between media and live might be very slim.
Finding “appropriate” media, such as movies and books, can be very tricky for gifted children. Not only do they need to have an engaging reading level, the content needs to match with what the child can handle (which is mostly not related to age, but to life experience and maturity level.) For example my daughter could handle all kinds of gruesome things in books, she’s a horror movie junkie to this day, but if something happened to a pet she could cry for days. There are no book or movie ratings for “pet difficulties.”
These small experiences are opportunities to train your children, or yourself, how to come back from difficult experiences. I wasn’t able to vet every book my daughter read for pet difficulties, but I was there for her to talk to and to hold her while she experienced these deep emotions. She was able to practice feeling capable in difficult but controlled situations.
Learning or relearning how to feel capable, and connection are major keys to traumatic growth.
Wow. Yes. I was traumatised by scary films around the age of seven. Some thoughtless child-minder put on the horror films Ben, and Attack of the Killer Bees. I had not considered it before but no doubt part of my fear came from the setting: I'd never been in a child-care centre before, I'd never been left for an evening with stranger carers and strange other children, and my younger siblings were there too, so I felt a responsibility to protect them and zero control. 41 years later I can still feel angry that someone would show those films to children that young.